


Dancing With Your Ghost

by jaemluv



Series: Songfics [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Healing, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I do it anyways, I don’t have the heart to kill off characters, I’m sorry, Johnny is sad, Johnny misses Taeyong, M/M, mentions of nct - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:07:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27893560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaemluv/pseuds/jaemluv
Summary: Johnny copes in the only way he knows how(lowercase intended)
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: Songfics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020037
Kudos: 5





	Dancing With Your Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> I’m really sorry for this fic I just feel really upset and I need something to focus on
> 
> I cant decide if Taeyong is around physically in this fic or not so I’ll just say he’s gone in some way or another and you can decide for yourself what happened 
> 
> Thank you for being here<3  
> (The song is Dancing With Your Ghost by Sasha Sloan)

_Yelling at the sky  
Screaming at the world  
Baby, why'd you go away?  
I’m still your girl  
Holding on too tight  
Head up in the clouds  
Heaven only knows where you are now_

johnny enters the empty dorm room, and he can’t help but feel a sense of emptiness

well, it’s hard not too when there’s two beds but only one of them is occupied anymore.

_How do I love, how do I love again?  
How do I trust, how do I trust again?_

he usually avoids going anywhere near the right side of the room, the side that still has taeyong’s untouched belongings and neatly made bed from the last time johnny saw him. he just can’t bring himself to tidy it all, to have to accept the reality of it.

but tonight is different.

johnny makes his way over to taeyong’s side of the room, trembling a bit as he approaches the bed and slips one leg under the covers- under _his_ covers.

they’re much colder than usual, but then again, what was he expecting when nobody has been using them?

_I stay up all night, tell myself I'm alright  
Baby, you're just harder to see than most_

slipping the rest of his body under taeyong’s sheets, johnny can feel himself starting to shake noticeably harder, overwhelmed by the empty feeling that has been washed over the room for a while now 

it all hits him when his head finally hits the pillow

it smells like taeyong’s shampoo. it still _smells_ like _his_ taeyong.

johnny hears the tear hit the bedding before he feels it run down his cheek.

_I put the record on, wait ’til I hear our song  
Every night, I'm dancing with your ghost  
Every night, I'm dancing with your ghost_

closing his eyes, johnny imagines that taeyong is still there with him, that he’s just out cleaning up dishes or taking a shower before he’ll enter the room and get into bed next to johnny like he used to.

_Never got the chance  
To say your last goodbye  
I gotta move on  
But it hurts to try_

_How do I love, how do I love again?  
How do I trust, how do I trust again?_

humming, johnny reaches over onto the nightstand next to the bed, picking up his phone and turning on his playlist

(the one that _he_ made for him)

the first song comes on and johnny smiles, he imagines taeyong’s voice singing along off tune to the beat of the music

(in truth, johnny never liked this song- always groaned in protest when taeyong would switch it on several times over again)

more tears run down johnny’s cheeks, but he laughs anyways, the small memory bringing him a bit of peace when all he seems to be feeling lately is pain 

_I stay up all night, tell myself I'm alright  
Baby, you're just harder to see than most  
I put the record on, wait 'til I hear our song  
Every night, I'm dancing with your ghost  
Every night, I'm dancing with your ghost_

he smiles because he knows taeyong doesn’t like seeing him cry. knows he wouldn’t _want_ him to cry

so he remembers 

he remembers taeyong’s laugh,  
he remembers his smile,  
he remembers his pretty doe eyes  
the way that he used to whine to him when he was tired  
he remembers the _(terrible)_ jokes he picked up from taeil  
he remembers the first time he told him he that he loves him (he loves him!!!)

and he laughs

he laughs because he knows that taeyong would want him to 

but that doesn’t make it any less hard, and when laughs turn to sobs, he knows that it was inevitable anyways

_How do I love, how do I love again?  
How do I trust, how do I trust again?_

johnny falls asleep with taeyong’s soft music filling the room, and he dreams of doe eyes and soft giggles and hands running through his hair

taeyong is his light in the darkest of places.

_I stay up all night, tell myself I’m alright  
Baby, you’re just harder to see than most  
I put the record on, wait 'til I hear our song  
Every night, I’m dancing with your ghost  
Every night, I'm dancing with your ghost  
Every night, I'm dancing with your ghost_

**Author's Note:**

> and when he wakes up he thinks the weight on his shoulders may have gotten a little lighter this time


End file.
